...Don Smith is thirty-five years old, born in the U.S.A. and has always resided in our great nation. You know what that means presidential candidates ... according to our Constitution, he is eligible to be your Vice President.
Think of what he brings to your ticket: intelligence, smartass remarks and a lock on those elusive red-haired voters. Think of what it will mean for America's foreign policy to have a vice president who not only understands soccer but has actually played the game.
I'm talking to you Hillary! Barack -- we heard you're a WestHam fan ... John McCain, Don is Scottish, too, FYI. Mitt, you need a Methodist -- think of the religious diversity it will bring your candidacy! And if that's not enough, he has a beautiful wife and an adorable child. Think of the photo ops!